I started noticing on planes that most young women are reading celebrity gossip magazines like Star, In focus, etc…
As somewhat of a celebrity myself, I have been the subject of a few gossip columns. Here is one example: http://www.zacktaylor.ca/blog/2009/08/spenny-spotted-drunk-off-his-tuchus.html
Zack Taylor is a scumbag and a liar. Drunk? When that picture was taken I was with my girlfriend’s nieces having just come out of a 3D animated movie about a team of techno savvy hamster spies. As happens to me often on the street, a couple asked me for a picture, which I gladly posed for. I try to accommodate fans whenever I can. I’m grateful to the people who like me and what I do. So, for the record, Zack completely fabricated the drunk angle. I understand that Spenny in a drunken stupor is a better story than Spenny takes his girlfriend’s nieces to a movie, but I wonder if the three people who may have seen Zack’s shitty column thought it was true. Now, believe me, I am no stranger to drunken stupors. In fact, I think a good drunken stupor every so often is healthy as long as no driving involved. But Zack, you need to understand that you’re a low life. You are trying to profit from a lie. If you had legitimately caught me in a drunken stupor, I would own up to it. Fair is fair. And what exactly a drunken stupor is, is open to interpretation. My criteria is reasonable: A drunken stupor should have aspects of belligerence and/or excessive affection, and/or violence and/or stupidity followed by a blackout. I’m sorry, if there’s no blackout, there’s no stupor. Clearly, my behavior on the night that picture was taken did not rise to anywhere near the level of a drunken stupor. It wasn’t even close. Zack, you are a two-bit, gutless, worm, and if I ever met you, I would most certainly give you a dirty look.
But I want to broaden this rant, if I may. Am I saying that all gossip magazines are bad? Though a part of me would like to yes, my answer is no. I like gossip magazines…as long as they tell the TRUTH!!!! I often leaf through gossip magazines at the iconic grocery store counter. I’m not proud of it, but I won’t lie. Sadly, I especially love to see pictures of cellulite-laden celebrities in bikinis. I find it funny. But, if I found out that the celebrity cellulite was doctored through Photoshop, I would be outraged. Good celebrity gossip is like a car accident…you have to look. Hasselhoff caught on tape in a drunken stupor is good stuff. Baldwin caught yelling at his daughter is first rate. Marv Albert wearing lingerie and biting a hooker is fucking Pulitzer Prize material.
Of course, I have a degree of shame about this. For me it’s a matter of being truthful versus saying the politically correct thing. For example, it’s easy to say that eating animals is wrong. If you’re a vegan, great, but I’m not a vegan, and as such, would have zero credibility pretending that I really care that much about animals. Obviously I don’t want to see animals suffer, but some animals are delicious. In the same way, though I don’t like the idea of exploiting celebrity misery, I have to admit that I derive some pleasure from it. Am I bad person? Perhaps.
Noam Chomsky talks about the rise of gossip culture being tied to the ever increasing isolation and fracturing of our social life. Not so long ago we used to know our neighbors and gossip about them. Now, for most of us anyway, we don’t know or even like our neighbors, so we gossip about celebrities instead. Makes sense? If so, it seems to point to an inherent need we humans have to know and talk about other people. Celebrities have become the local community that has disintegrated with modernity. As a low level celebrity that is the price I have to pay for being famous. Obviously, I think it’s worth it. Of course, I’ve yet to be caught biting a hooker while wearing lingerie. I guess I just have to be careful. I have to accept the game if I want to play. But even with something as tawdry as celebrity gossip, there needs to be ethics. The gossip journalists, like all journalists, need to tell the truth. And it works both ways; if Britany Spears has a breakdown and publicly shaves her head, I don’t want to find out it was a publicity stunt. It’s bad enough that I want to read this drivel…at least make it truthful.
So, Zack Taylor…you’re a low-life maggot. You make Perez Hilton look like Walter Cronkite. And for future reference, if you want to catch me in a drunken stupor, I recommend catching me on St Paddy’s Day or Keith Richard’s birthday, but not coming out of a kid’s movie with my girlfriend’s nieces. Fuck you.