SPENNY's BLOG

It’s the time of year when all forms of media come out with their best and worst lists.  Cursory research reveals such lists include almost everything; fashion, art, real estate…even sports uniforms. (Okay the Denver Broncos 50^th Anniversary throwback socks are so bad that being on a worst list can safely be called an objective fact).  Sometimes the lists can be very confusing.  For example, Bernie Madoff was on a list of the worst money managers of 2009, but also was on a best list for Ponzi schemers. TV shows are also endlessly ranked. Kenny Vs Spenny is always on some best lists and some worst lists.  I honestly don’t know who to believe? I actually saw a list on the Internet for the best climate change — I don’t even know what that means.   The lists are endless and often collapse into themselves.  There’s a best car list, best chasse list, best navigation system list, best tire list, best mileage list, etc…. Can you be on the best car list and on the worst chasse list simultaneously?  (Seriously, I’m way too young to be sounding this much like Andy Rooney…I can feel my eyebrows bushy-ing)   I’m sure if I look hard enough I could find a list of best holocausts and a list of worst miracles.  I’d also like to see the worst, best list and the best, worst list and the best, best list and the worst, worst list…I think that covers everything.  Now I’m not completely lame. I understand the fun of ranking things.  It’s an interesting and gay way of reviewing the year with a qualitative spin.  It’s not that I’m anti-lists per say, but it does get to be a bit much if people actually take the lists seriously. 

 

The obvious issue is that most lists are subjective; the worst dressed, the best restaurants, the best underarm rashes, etc… But, beyond the subjective issue, our obsession with lists, to me, makes life less fun.  Why?  If the “experts” in the media say that some such movie or restaurant is the best, then less people might check out other restaurants and movies that they might like better.  I fear that it’s a form of limiting choices. How many #1 blockbuster movies have I been sucked into only to leave saying, “fuck, the bastards burned me again!” And I still don’t understand the cocksucking Matrix!!!! Lists, to me, are essentially hype…and it’s a sophisticated hype.  I think media sophistication should be taught in public schools, and not just in some colleges and universities.  I meet people who don’t get that there’s bias of media. Some don’t even get that MSNBC leans left of Ed Begley Jr., or that FOX News leans right of Attila the Hun.  (I realize that most people who would actually read this ADD-laden blog of mine understand this stuff, which makes me wonder why I’m wasting my time writing it.) In any event, there’s no way around it; listing the best and worst is a tradition.  And a special shout-out to the Entertainment Tonight/Access Hollywood-like shows whose grotesque obsession with what’s hot and what’s not nauseates me to no end.  I usually can enjoy watching TV I despise, but those shows make me depressed.  Their slickness and high production value entice us into a mind-numbing submission.  Now I’m all into watching drivel on TV.  Jesus Christ, look at my show.  But these shows are pure evil. I’ve met Ben Mulroney on a few occasions and he’s a really cool guy. Ben, I beg you…stop the cheesy, entertainment magazine host thing.  You’re better than that.  You’re destroying your acting and political future by participating in super-superficial television that actually destroys the human soul.  Do you want to end up like Pat O’Brien, hiding at parties talking dirty into a cell phones?  Actually that doesn’t sound too bad. I’m praying for you, Ben.

 

Art, more than anything, except maybe spirituality, is something that shouldn’t be rated on a list.  For example, “Two and Half Men” consistently rates number one among sitcoms on US Networks, but personally I’d rather watch Judge Judy remind me why I don’t date Jewish women.  But that’s me.  So, the most popular sitcom is actually, for me, the worst sitcom.  My occupation (if you can seriously call it that) depends on ratings.  In fact, my ability to negotiate financially depends on ratings.  The problem with the ratings (Nielson ratings) is that I think they’ve become irrelevant because of DVR’s, DVD’s  and the Internet.  (I haven’t done any serious research on this, so I apologize to the Nielsons if I’m wrong and you’re actually relevant.)   That said, I fear my earning power may be based on a false system.  How come I don’t know one single person with a Neilson box?  Is it a secret society like the Free Masons?  Do you have to have the last name Nielson?  I’m not comfortable with any of it.  I walk around the city and I know more people watch KVS than what the ratings say, which thank God are good.  But, I’m almost certain they didn’t count my Uncle Julie, who watched the show last Friday to see what an ass his nephew is making of himself on television.  Here’s a worst list for you:  The Worst TV Rating system: Nielson.

 

Sometimes lists make perfect sense.  There’s no point to sports if there’s no scores or standings.  And, of course, we need beauty pageants; where would we be without national representatives who look good in bathing suits? And, unfortunately, we need to rank our political leaders — that’s called democracy, and until I see something better than elections to choose our leaders, I’m okay with it.   Even though, in my opinion, the electorate’s choices can be totally renarded (that’s not a typo…it’s a nicer way of saying totally fucking retarded!!!) But who doesn’t agree with the majority?   Personally, I always liked the idea of a benevolent despot.  I think if Dr. Drew grew a pair and kicked -out Kari Ann, he’d make a good benevolent despot.  We also, unfortunately again, need winners and losers in the justice system.  There has to be consequences….though not always just ones.

 

Orson Wells made a wonderfully bizarre documentary called “F for Fake”.  It’s great.  There’s a lot going on in it, but I love the part about experts in the art world.   Who decides what painting should hang where and be worth what? And who makes that person worthy of such an honor?  The truth is that experts don’t really matter…we make them important by listening to them.  Experts are essentially useless, except of course for MacLean’s Magazine which rated Kenny Vs Spenny one of the top ten Canadian shows of the decade!!!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 24th, 2009 at 9:15 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.